


Monstrum

by Cap2theDark



Category: Carmilla (Web Series), Carmilla - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, College, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/F, Mystery, Occult, Poems, Slow Burn, Storytelling, Unconventional Format, Witchcraft
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-19
Updated: 2019-06-19
Packaged: 2020-05-14 21:09:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19281229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cap2theDark/pseuds/Cap2theDark
Summary: Mystery/Occult Horror featuring a Slow Burning RomanceStrangeadjectiveunusual or surprising in a way that is unsettling or hard to understand.It was not strange to find Laura unsettled.  It was not something she understood plainly. Nor was it surprising that she ended up finding more than she bargained for.“A monster is not such a terrible thing to be. From the Latin root monstrum, a divine messenger of catastrophe, then adapted by the Old French to mean an animal of myriad origins: centaur, griffin, satyr. To be a monster is to be a hybrid signal, a lighthouse: both shelter and warning at once.”— Ocean Vuong, from “A Letter To My Mother That She Will Never Read”, published in The New Yorker





	Monstrum

**Author's Note:**

> For my mother --
> 
> The sweetest woman in the world  
> who I never met

 

Lost

_adjective_  
_past and past participle of lose._  
_unable to find one’s way; not knowing one’s whereabouts._  
_denoting something that has been taken away or cannot be recovered._

 

* * *

 

 

Her Dad did not talk about her a lot. Or at all. She knew precisely three things about her.

 

Her mother had the same shade of dirty blonde hair like her.

Her Dad had met her in college.

She liked to read and write.

 

Only, there was no evidence of any of it. There were no photos, no degrees of where her parents had graduated from, no dogged tagged books with notes in the margins, or journals with chewed end pens to be heard of -- no concrete lines to follow. No answers to questions only mothers could answer for their daughters. She had not had these thoughts in years. She had stopped looking a long time ago.

Hopeful memories were buried in the tome of a young girl waiting by the stoop of her father’s cottage for someone who never came.

Wednesday nights, it seemed, had a way of unearthing failed dreams.

  
Half measures were not taken as she ran.

Every step had her further from the mess she caused. She did not know where she was going. Her rushing feet come to a sudden stop.

The sidewalk caught her back foot. She swung her arms widely, righting her footing. Her heels wobbled, but she did not end up face-planting into the asphalt. It seemed like karma, nor her friends had managed to catch up with her just yet.

Rapidly, her head turned at the sound of footsteps. _Had they?_ She should have gotten whiplash with the way her head flicked back the way she came. Eyes wide, the lights had shone on them, blinding her. The lights turned off quickly. Her vision righted after a moment. Just some Silas U kids getting out of their car. They took glances at her oddly as they made their way to their dorm with late-night grocery bags. The big pig head on the bags grinned at her from the street lamps. They mocked her in jolly unison.

Eerie howls prodded her to check her surroundings. She had found herself standing on the opposite side of the street from the parking lot. Her father would be disturbed, knowing that she had crossed it in the middle of the night without looking both ways. _So would Danny._ She flinched and wrung her hands together. _This was a mess._

She was on the outskirts campus. The woods’ trees rustled. She was clad in shorts, a white turtleneck, and a pair of socks from her Dad. They had been thick, but her feet were still sore from pounding against the concrete pavement, and the orange fox faces at her toes were frayed and dirty.

Envenomed stings crashed against her skull. _This was stupid and childish. Running away was a stupid and childish thing to do._ This was why her father, her friends -even her girlfriend- all treated her like this. _Way to go Hollis. Just give them more ammunition._

The wind swept by; it tossed leaves through the ground and sent a shiver up her uncovered legs. Simultaneously, her phone buzzed in her pocket.

Her stomach filled with vile gunk that churned swarmed with dread. She could not do it. Would not answer.

 

Where if she did answer, there would be nothing but love and support. Danny was begging her to return. She was scared and confused. All she wanted was for her to come back. Her father pleaded with her to go back to her dorm. It was not safe to be out at night. He promised that he was packing his things now and would be at the campus by morning.

She did not answer.  
There are times in one’s life that they feel that although they know that their friends and family are meant to help and ease one’s pain in life, they do not want that help. There are times where one does not feel as if they deserve the love and support of their friends and family.

That was the reason she had not answered -- the first time.

 

She sank.

Her knees came to her chest.

Her chin rested atop them.

She wrapped her arms around her naked legs, holding herself tight when the first sob came. It was a sick and weak cry, yet it managed to make her chest crack. She locked herself fast as if losing any pressure would have her fall apart. Tears tracked down her face. The salt in them warmed her in the cold.

Drained of her energy, she sat on the edge of the street ledge. Cars piloted around her. This time the eyes in the cars kept low and far. She cried until her tear ducts dried. All was quiet now. No more cars, it was too late for that now. There were no crickets in this part of the country to fill the night. She slowly uncurled her arms from her knees. Her hands fell back and brushed through the grass’ roots. Her head tilted back into the black sky.

The stars did not shine here. Nothing like the gleaming sky back at the cottage. It gave her enough sense to calm down. She allowed herself to breathe, “Mom?” Her eyes flickered back and forth through the sky; the faint constellation did not move nor falter “I know it’s been a while.” She smiled, it did not reach her eyes “Everyone just said that it was time to move on. I think they were right but still-” She bit her tongue. She should stop.

“Sometimes it feels like you’re the only one I can talk to. Everyone else, it’s- it’s suffocating. They are always so worried, fussing over me. I don’t get it.” Her hands curled absentmindedly, dragging up dirt under her nails “Is there something wrong with me? Is that why you left? Did the world do this to you too?”

The unanswered questions never stopped her before, “I miss you.” A choked laugh hurt her sore throat “It’s stupid. Missing someone you’ve never met but I do.” She pulled her hands out of the dirt, realizing what she had done. She wiped it away on her shorts.

The cold made her sniffle “Mom. There are just some things I wish I could talk to you about. I messed up tonight. I’ve been messing up a lot lately, for a while. It’s not on purpose, but there are so many things inside my head that I’m just losing control over.” Her fingers found their way into her hair “Maybe you were the same way. Maybe that’s why you left.” She pushed herself up “This is the last time. I promise.” Her fingertips tingled at the words. She wiggled them. Energy flowed through them, the air around her tensing for what was to come.

“Hear me, mom, please look,  
I want to follow in the path you took.”

Raked leaves passed through the trees on the wind. Her phone vibrated in her pocket once again, several times. She could not hear it, could not feel it over the sound of trees moving aside. The trees had forged a path when she turned on her heels. They swallowed her as she walked into the woods.

 

* * *

 

  
A car turned sharply onto the street. Red, blue, and white lights were flashing against the evergreen forest. The campus police car stopped at the edge of the street-ledge. The back passenger door opened. The tall red-haired woman stared down at her phone and cursed. She pocketed the phone and stared out into the woods.

“ _Laura!_ ”

**Author's Note:**

> Next time.
> 
> For my father --
> 
> Birds learn to fly when they are pushed from the nest by their parents  
> You never did, so I leapt.


End file.
